Today's Lesson: The Duality of BDSM

Continued from: Sarah Cashes in on her Allowance

[spanking] [spanking theory and technique] [F/f] [F/m] [OTK] [cornertime]

Welcome, dear readers, to a new post about the fascinating exploration of BDSM and spanking. I have used this disclaimer before: the following is simply the world according to me and how I do things. Kink and fetish play can take on many forms, this is merely what I do...with great success over the years. 

There are not many examples better than this one, that truly define the manner in which I perceive my BDSM lifestyle. That being said, today's lesson will delve into the duality within my lifestyle and the sessions that I host. 

My new Secretary, Alice, who we will be posting about very soon, was nice enough to create this hierarchical structure for me ahead of today's lesson. 

You may have to zoom in a little bit but this is basically it in a nutshell, at its very core. There are TWO sides to my BDSM world and only two sides, not counting the vanilla space. Call these two sides what you wish: 

Business and Recreation

Mandatory and Electives 

Administration and Operations 

Ying and Yang

By understanding this fundamental divide, you'll gain a deeper appreciation for the complexity and nuance that lies at the heart of consensual power exchange. I actually like the school-oriented comparison of mandatory and electives, to help describe my meaning, as the "admin" side of the house, is absolutely mandatory in my relationships. 

This side of the lifestyle or session refers to the more formal, structured aspects of the dynamic. This is where rules are established, boundaries are negotiated, and expectations are clearly defined, along with the corresponding consequences. In many ways, the admin side functions as the backbone of the relationship between dominant and submissive. 

Here, on the admin side, is where you'll find "Ma'am". This often means that I have to adopt a more authoritative persona, whether that is through dressing in a particular way (such as vintage housewife or professional lady-boss) and employing non-sexual, discipline techniques such as spanking and corner time.

Here, on the admin side, is where you'll also find the roles and personas of a "Mommy" or "Daddy" dominant, a dynamic I currently enjoy with my wife, Summer, and our unconventional family that now includes Russell and Sarah Jane. 

Submissives, on the admin side, may be expected to assume a more vulnerable or childlike role, which can be reinforced through nudity or age-regressed clothing during a spanking. The goal here is not necessarily to eroticize the interaction (though that can certainly be a secondary benefit), but rather to create a clear hierarchy and power differential that supports the overall dynamic. 

On the "ops" side, it truly is "electives", right? And this is where you will find "Mistress" or "Goddess". 

What is someone's elective interests and in what way do they want to play around with them? Is it pegging? Maybe it's feet? Maybe it's extreme forms of bondage or captivity, forced bi-sexual scenes or various forms of torture? Dungeon settings, leather and latex attire and impact toys that are not "traditional", all fall under the ops umbrella, an umbrella that is governed by a list of hard and soft limits.

While the admin side focuses on structure and consistency, the ops side is all about creativity, planning and mutual satisfaction. 

So why is it important to distinguish between these two sides? Simply put, because they serve different purposes and require different approaches. The admin side is about establishing a solid foundation for the domestic discipline relationship, creating a sense of safety, security, and predictability. Conversely, without the freedom and flexibility afforded by the ops side, the admin side can become stifling and oppressive, robbing the dynamic of its joy and playfulness. 

Does one side compliment the other? Absolutely!

Is the order of a session always have to be admin first, then ops? No, but I have found the most success with this format.

Can you do one side without the other? Of course. 

In my org chart above, I've broken down the admin side even further, into two parts. Lets explore these in more detail. 

Maintenance Spankings

Maintenance spankings are a scheduled, routine aspect of our home life and the manner in which I conduct sessions with clients. They are typically longer and more thorough than punitive spankings, serving multiple purposes. 

Firstly, they act as a reminder of the power dynamic, reinforcing the roles of dominant and submissive. Secondly, they provide an opportunity for the dominant to assess the submissive's physical and emotional state, addressing any behavioural issues that may have arisen since the last session. Finally, maintenance spankings can be a source of therapeutic or emotional release for both partners, helping to maintain a healthy balance in the relationship. 

Suppose Summer has been neglecting her chores around the house, leaving dishes unwashed and laundry unfolded. As the HoH and her dominant, I might schedule a maintenance session to address this behaviour, taking the time to plan the session, my style of dress, her style of dress and a fully detailed and escalated plan of implements and positions.

Anticipation and Trigger

Either over text, a phone call or in person, Summer needs to first be told she is getting a spanking, then, for the purposes of anticipation and butterflies, be told when it will happen. Like any spanko, Summer wants to hear that trigger word and allow herself to enter that love/hate cycle surrounding the coming correction.

Setting and scene

We don't travel too far into the realm of roleplay as it relates to admin. Whether it is Summer, Russell or Sarah Jane, maintenance spankings are for real-life reasons and real-life consequences. No one has "cheated on a test" or was "caught smoking in the school restroom". There are always enough real reasons to spank an adult in my household, we don't feel the need to make up a reason. 

Even if I have Summer dressed like a schoolgirl or little girl for her spanking, we are not roleplaying a Headmistress/student scene. 

Summer already identifies as a "little", so ridiculously childish attire doesn't have quite the same effect on her, but the reason behind it is to draw out a deeper sense of vulnerability and bring that to the surface, long before I start on this surface: 

Take someone like Mandy, for instance. The soccer mom, the ER nurse, the chairperson of her kid's parent-teacher association. Bare naked spankings work wonders for Mandy, she becomes dreadfully humiliated and vulnerable.

But dress her up like a little girl, then put her over your knee...her bottom lips starts to tremble before I even land the first smack. Half the work has been done for me, just from the scene.

As for the setting for admin, it should be domestic not dungeon. Areas most associated with family gatherings or matriarchal significance. The kitchen, Mommy's bedroom, the family room, a dining room. Being fully naked in such vanilla areas as these, will elicit yet another layer of vulnerability that adds to the overall impact

Second layer of Anticipation

To summarize thus far, Summer has been told she is getting a spanking, she has been told how to dress for the spanking and has now reported to the living room, lets say, to take in the visuals of the entire setting. She'll see me, and the manner in which I am dressed for her session. Summer knows if it's pearls and pinup dresses, she is dealing with "Mommy". If it's a tailored skirt-suit with laser pin-stripes, she's dealing with "Ma'am." 

I will stage the room according to how I have planned the session to progress, with pillows or bolsters in position for her hips, furniture moved to allow for a draping over the back of a couch, or hands placed flat on the seat of a chair. Implements will be neatly laid out and ready, so Summer can see them quickly before the second stage of her anticipation...

That's right! Nose to the corner, bum on display, don't move a muscle. I wouldn't deny any spanko this paradoxical, wonderful predicament. A pose that involuntarily makes every pussy wet, and every chastity cage drip with tears. It's embarrassing, it's vulnerable, it's childish and it is everything I want to see at the beginning of an adult spanking session! 

Now, with the only visual stimulus being the empty corner before her, Summer's ears will amplify the sounds of my heel clicks, the jingle of belts or the moving of furniture, as I continue to set up the room and my scene. Fifteen to twenty minutes ought to do for maintenance, before I call her from the corner and take her over my knee for the first time. 

The lone, straight-backed wooden chair becomes the centerpiece of any room, under these circumstances, as I take my seat and create a stable base with my knees drawn together. Baring of the bum could be an entire lesson unto itself. Do I have her pull down her own panties, do I pull them down for her, do I have her strip nude at this point. All personal preference really, but all will have a different effect on your spankee. 

The Warm-Up

For Summer, who is usually in a skirt or dress for these maintenance sessions, she will go over my knee with her panties up and dress or skirt lifted. 

Why?..

...Because she's an adult woman in her early 40's, who is being "made" to wear panties like this. Great big cotton, ridiculously childish, non-sexual panties, by design. Or...you're an adult male, about to be taken over my knee and I have you in only these: 

It didn't seem right to me, to skip this stage, and not draw attention to the fact that Summer is wearing these ridiculous cotton panties. It's almost like a mini predicament within the predicament. I want these ugly, humiliating panties off, but they do offer a little protection from Mommy's hand.  

The awful panties are there for a reason. I planned it this way, to create another layer of vulnerability and humiliation. So, for now, the panties stay up and I begin my steady and methodical hand-spanking over the thin veil of childish protection.  

OTK (over-the-knee), in a straight-backed dining or kitchen chair, is like a root to a tree. I will begin and end, every spanking session in this manner, regardless of who the recipient is. It is the most intimate, the most connecting and the most traditional of positions. 

If Summer is wincing, kicking her legs or protesting right away, then I am going too hard. If the room is silent, but for the rhythmic and muffled cadence of my hand against her panties, then we're on the right track and I am going to crescendo this warm up and every implement I use until the final crescendo. 

I will keep a steady pace on her bum, alternating cheeks and gradually increase the strength until she starts to squirm, like going from setting 1 to setting 8, on a one-to-ten scale of severity. A little rubbing and encouragement, then I go right back down to 1 and bring her up to 8 once more. 

I'll have her stand, so it gives her a break from the OTK position and the blood rushing to her head. A quick moment to reset, then her panties will come down and I'll return her to the position over my knee. I will use my hand once more to continue her warm-up, likely doing what I described above, taking her from 1 to 8 on the bare, then starting back at 1 and bringing her to 8.   

Maintenance is long and thorough, not abrupt and severe. It is meant to be an experience for the spankee, especially for male and female clients of mine who only get to see me every so often. "Six of the best" as they say, with the cane, would not satiate a client who is paying top dollar for a one or one- and-a-half hour session with me.

The Spanking 

Now we move onto the main event. There is a popular line with the spankos: "a true spanking doesn't begin until you wish it was over." This is true and this resides on the punishment side of admin which we will get to later. For now, we're still on the admin side, under the branch of maintenance. 

Onto the main event means I have sufficiently warmed up Summer's bum to the sensation of repeated impact. If I did my job correctly, her bum cheeks should be a bit numb from this repeated, uninterrupted impact. That part is key, uninterrupted. Once you start admin, don't stop until it's over. 

As for implements, floggers, riding crops, single-tail whips - do not reside on the admin side of the house; domestic, seemingly vanilla items do, however. These are your hairbrushes, wooden spoons, Mommy's slipper, Daddy's belt. They are implements of opportunity, readily available in a home and have rich traditional roots in household spankings. 

Yes, I have an order and I've written about this before. 

Hand, leathers/synthetics, woods, hand. 

On a scale of 1 to horrible, in the context of domestic implements, I would classify a long-handled bath-brush at an 11. So, because of this, I'm not going to lead-off with that, not for maintenance, right? Summer will tap-out in the first five minutes and her spanking session will be over. Think crescendo, yet again, I'm going to build her layers up and her numbness up so she can accept the bath brush without completely breaking her. 

I'm going to start with an implement around the 3-4 level of severity, the sole of a sandal, a leather paddle or plastic spatula. Again, I'm going to begin using this at a 1 and finish high, at a 7 or 8. Allow her to compose herself, then repeat. 

Her positioning will change depending on what implement I'm using and we'll even change rooms sometimes, to accommodate the use of different furniture, positions and items. I might have her in the kitchen if I was using a wooden spoon on a bare butt.

Maybe an office setting or woodshed for "Daddy's" belt. Or maybe, "Mommy's" bedroom is the most apt location for Mommy's hairbrush? 

Regardless of where or what, I am following a structure and a plan. Hand, leathers or synthetics, woods, hand. Then, I am taking each "set" including the hand-spanking, on an upward trajectory of severity from 1 to 8 (there's a reason I'm not saying 10 which we'll get into later). I will finish off with Summer back over my knee for my bare palm, then she's off to the corner, with her bare bum on display. 

15 - 20 minutes here, then she is called from the corner for aftercare, for snuggles, for kisses and lotion. We may or may not remain in role during this, usually we do, but this officially ends "admin" and if we are moving on to ops, I'll change my attire more suited towards the ops side. 

As a final note, while I wrap this up for all of you, and again, this is just me and the way I've had the most success with sessions...For the rest of the session in the ops realm, regardless of how intense it might get, I will not do admin again, OTK will not be seen again, nor will a hairbrush, cornertime or the formalities of admin. 

Crops, floggers, other target areas like the soles of her feet, her breasts or pussy, sure, it is a different form of impact play, but I would not begin another formal spanking. If Summer were to do something during her ops session that required formal consequences, I wouldn't stop the ops and declare that it's time for a spanking, does that make sense?  

If I did my job correctly on the admin side, she shouldn't need another spanking for at least a week!  

This post was all by request, so there you have it. We have covered admin and ops or mandatory and electives, whatever you'd like to call the two sides and within the admin side, we have covered maintenance. Next time, we'll delve into the distinction between maintenance and punishment. 

Stay tuned. 

Mistress Andrea

xoxo